*the following has been conceived through a number of thoughts and conversations between a small group. It's basically an inside joke. If you're not one of those that gets it, you're not missing anything*
Episode 1
It's January on the Bering Sea. Following a grueling king crab season that saw injuries, death, and very small returns, the Tug's fleet has set out again in hopes of reversing their fortunes in the hunt for Opilio Crab.
At Dutch Harbor, Lightning, veteran Captain of the 180 foot 'Boca Chain' is already off to a rough start as his newest crew members struggle to ready their gear for the season.
Lightning: Well, we picked up these guys in town said they were looking for a job, so I gave them a shot. We'll see how it goes, but I ain't seen anything yet to warrant getting my hopes up.
Sheriff: This is so weird. I was up here in Alaska on a site-seeing tour and I'm assaulted by these men as I walked out of the salon. They threw a bag over my head - incidentally, it completely ruined my new look - and next thing you know, I'm on this dock. But hey, I went fishing once when I was 5 at a pond by my house. This can't be much different, right?
Up in the wheel house, Deck Boss Boca is voicing his concerns with the captain.
Boca: I don't know what you're thinking, Lightning. That Sheriff kid broke a nail tying his shoes. And this Chet guy you found....he keeps calling the bait "sushi" and speaking in bad quotes from washed up comedians. I don't even think he knows he's in Alaska.
Lightning: Well, since we lost Murray and Gunther to the pink eye, it's all we've got right now so we'll have to deal with it. You gotta trust me with this. I've always found the crab, always got us paid, and you and I could run this ship by ourselves. If it comes down to it, we bring Molly up out of the kitchen to the sorting table and those guys head down to cook...or crochet....or whatever it is they do. She knows more about the crabs than anyone anyway.
Boca: You're the boss. But I kid you not - if I hear about spa day or Kenny Fucking Powers again, I'm throwing both of their asses overboard. Why? Cuz Boca just don't give a fuck.
With the Crew assembled and the gear loaded, deckhand Boca Jr. cuts the ship loose from the dock and the Boca Chain sets sail into the teeth of another Bering Sea winter. The search for Opilio, fortune, and survival is on.
Welcome to Alaska.
Friday, July 31, 2009
Wednesday, July 29, 2009
Got Definition?
Greetings blog readers (Kenny). Ran across an article that sparked some curiosity this morning and, since California isn't currently burning to the ground, I thought I'd take a few minutes to discuss semantics.
There are words being thrown about in today's society that have completely lost their intended meaning, and this needs to be corrected quickly. At the very least it needs to be recognized so as to avoid having a population running around proclaiming that a quarterback coming back into a game after having broken his leg is "heroic". No. The word for that is "idiot".
Anyhoo, I've got two notable examples. The first came to me in the form of a headline this morning that read, "Kevin Federline Shocks Fans Over New Size".
I have a couple problems with this. First, this headline about K Fed's recent weight gain was front and center on Yahoo News. It's not like I went digging around TMZ or OMG or WTF. This was on a "news" site. Ugh! But that's a subject for another time.
The word "fan" is what bothers me here. Who was the last Kevin Federline "fan" that you met? Oh, you haven't met one? Is this likely due to the fact that there couldn't possibly be any Kevin Federline fans on this planet?
The word "fan" is short for "fanatic", which is defined as "a person with an extreme and uncritical enthusiasm or zeal." Does anyone feel this way towards K Fed? If you know of anyone, please punch them in the face immediately.
In this world of celebrity or faux celebrity "news", it is being implied that these A-D listers all have fans. In reality (we'll get to reality next), the people reading the stories and watching the 2000 different Access Hollywood BS shows are not fans of the "celebrities". They're fans of gossip and trash television. There's a big difference.
It's just upsetting to see people being intentionally misled into believing that there are folks out there that are actually obsessed with K Fed, and those dbags from The Hills, and other non-celebrities (and actual celebrities) that are constantly being pushed in our face. I assure you there are not.
My final objection is to the rampant use of the word "reality". Defined as "the state or quality of being real; resemblance to what is real", this word has gotten way out of hand.
I have never been put up in a huge mansion while 30 hot chicks battle for my love and to boost their acting careers. I have never been dropped in the middle of the wilderness with 20+ people and forced to live off rats and whatever else I could scrounge up, and every now and then break up the monotony by walking on a balance beam in the middle of a swamp. I don't think I've done anything that is deemed "reality" by just about all the programming on the Fox network. There's even a channel devoted to 24/7 "reality" programming.
And I'm not alone. I would venture to guess that 99.9% of the population has never encountered anything even remotely close to what these shows are depicting. Why? Because it's not reality. You want reality? Let's see a show about a guy that gets up in the morning, goes to a job that he isn't all that passionate about, sits in a cubicle all day, shuffles paperwork around, goes to a couple meetings, almost falls asleep at his desk a few times, makes a couple inappropriate jokes/emails to help the day go by, then drives home in a crappy car, stopping by the Taco Bell drive thru on the way home and having to dig for spare change in the cup holder to pay for his tostada.
Hell, let's not even make it that complicated. Let's have a show about a person that has to pay A bill. Not billS. Just A bill. One. It's up to them to go out and find the means to make an income that can cover that bill while also keeping themselves alive, though not necessarily healthy. That would take a better job.
But that's real. I don't have a word for all that other crap. Surreal? Fantasy? Rigawddamndiculous? Pick whatever word(s) you like, just don't pick "reality". I'm just not a fan.
Peace out.
There are words being thrown about in today's society that have completely lost their intended meaning, and this needs to be corrected quickly. At the very least it needs to be recognized so as to avoid having a population running around proclaiming that a quarterback coming back into a game after having broken his leg is "heroic". No. The word for that is "idiot".
Anyhoo, I've got two notable examples. The first came to me in the form of a headline this morning that read, "Kevin Federline Shocks Fans Over New Size".
I have a couple problems with this. First, this headline about K Fed's recent weight gain was front and center on Yahoo News. It's not like I went digging around TMZ or OMG or WTF. This was on a "news" site. Ugh! But that's a subject for another time.
The word "fan" is what bothers me here. Who was the last Kevin Federline "fan" that you met? Oh, you haven't met one? Is this likely due to the fact that there couldn't possibly be any Kevin Federline fans on this planet?
The word "fan" is short for "fanatic", which is defined as "a person with an extreme and uncritical enthusiasm or zeal." Does anyone feel this way towards K Fed? If you know of anyone, please punch them in the face immediately.
In this world of celebrity or faux celebrity "news", it is being implied that these A-D listers all have fans. In reality (we'll get to reality next), the people reading the stories and watching the 2000 different Access Hollywood BS shows are not fans of the "celebrities". They're fans of gossip and trash television. There's a big difference.
It's just upsetting to see people being intentionally misled into believing that there are folks out there that are actually obsessed with K Fed, and those dbags from The Hills, and other non-celebrities (and actual celebrities) that are constantly being pushed in our face. I assure you there are not.
My final objection is to the rampant use of the word "reality". Defined as "the state or quality of being real; resemblance to what is real", this word has gotten way out of hand.
I have never been put up in a huge mansion while 30 hot chicks battle for my love and to boost their acting careers. I have never been dropped in the middle of the wilderness with 20+ people and forced to live off rats and whatever else I could scrounge up, and every now and then break up the monotony by walking on a balance beam in the middle of a swamp. I don't think I've done anything that is deemed "reality" by just about all the programming on the Fox network. There's even a channel devoted to 24/7 "reality" programming.
And I'm not alone. I would venture to guess that 99.9% of the population has never encountered anything even remotely close to what these shows are depicting. Why? Because it's not reality. You want reality? Let's see a show about a guy that gets up in the morning, goes to a job that he isn't all that passionate about, sits in a cubicle all day, shuffles paperwork around, goes to a couple meetings, almost falls asleep at his desk a few times, makes a couple inappropriate jokes/emails to help the day go by, then drives home in a crappy car, stopping by the Taco Bell drive thru on the way home and having to dig for spare change in the cup holder to pay for his tostada.
Hell, let's not even make it that complicated. Let's have a show about a person that has to pay A bill. Not billS. Just A bill. One. It's up to them to go out and find the means to make an income that can cover that bill while also keeping themselves alive, though not necessarily healthy. That would take a better job.
But that's real. I don't have a word for all that other crap. Surreal? Fantasy? Rigawddamndiculous? Pick whatever word(s) you like, just don't pick "reality". I'm just not a fan.
Peace out.
Friday, July 24, 2009
Earthquakes
So here I am, in Temecula, Day 8 of vacation. I have watched more television this week than I think I've watched all year long. After watching a perfect game, a show about rigging on 2,000 foot TV towers, several cake shows, and reintroducing myself to the brilliance that was the Cosby Show, I am now watching a show about the inevitability of a catastrophic earthquake striking the Bay Area sometime yesterday.
Now of course there will be an earthquake. San Francisco is nestled between eight different active faultlines. Of course it will be catastrophic. There are millions of people and structures sitting on top of these faultlines. But will a quake kill the millions of people that the narrator is suggesting? I'm fairly certain we're a little beyond that possibility. It's not as if San Francisco is a little shantytown in India, with cinder blocks held up by tent poles and rubberbands. I think technology has come a much longer way since the 1906 than this show suggests.
I believe in being prepared for things like this, particularly if you happen to live in such a disaster-prone area. But this show is quite the little worst-case scenario designed to scare the crap out of people. Bridges crumble, city burns, people trample everyone, martial law is declared, Gavin Newsome's hair falls out of place, etc. etc. A little bit excessive for my tastes, but interesting information nonetheless.
I don't pretend to know what will happen to SF the next time an earthquake hits, but I have to assume we're much better prepared now than we were in 1906 and even in 1989. While I won't want to be in the city when the chaos occurs, I just can't buy into this doomsday perspective. But hey, whatever makes for good television, eh.
Speaking of which, should I continue watching TV (a Civil War program just started) or get out of the house and swim? A tough choice made even tougher by this comfy couch vs. my hot wife trying out a new bikini by the pool. Decisions, decisions........
Now of course there will be an earthquake. San Francisco is nestled between eight different active faultlines. Of course it will be catastrophic. There are millions of people and structures sitting on top of these faultlines. But will a quake kill the millions of people that the narrator is suggesting? I'm fairly certain we're a little beyond that possibility. It's not as if San Francisco is a little shantytown in India, with cinder blocks held up by tent poles and rubberbands. I think technology has come a much longer way since the 1906 than this show suggests.
I believe in being prepared for things like this, particularly if you happen to live in such a disaster-prone area. But this show is quite the little worst-case scenario designed to scare the crap out of people. Bridges crumble, city burns, people trample everyone, martial law is declared, Gavin Newsome's hair falls out of place, etc. etc. A little bit excessive for my tastes, but interesting information nonetheless.
I don't pretend to know what will happen to SF the next time an earthquake hits, but I have to assume we're much better prepared now than we were in 1906 and even in 1989. While I won't want to be in the city when the chaos occurs, I just can't buy into this doomsday perspective. But hey, whatever makes for good television, eh.
Speaking of which, should I continue watching TV (a Civil War program just started) or get out of the house and swim? A tough choice made even tougher by this comfy couch vs. my hot wife trying out a new bikini by the pool. Decisions, decisions........
Thursday, July 9, 2009
Blogger be Thy Name
Haven't been feeling particularly bloggy lately. However, since my wife is currently in the living room watching Oprah with my mother, I think I should take a moment away from the estrogen and type a few snipets about what I'm feeling about some select things.
Media - no matter what they try to make us believe, we don't actually have any rights to view video or hear tapes of the death/pain/misery of others unless we are in fact on a jury deciding the fate of a defendant. To the rest of us, it's not our business unless we happen to be directly involved. They don't care about the victims, but only for the ratings and ad revenue their despair can generate. It's a sick and perverted (redundant?) industry.
Furlough Days - just received a third day each month and easily on my way to a fourth, along with 230,000+ of my "coworkers". Four days a month equals 48 day a year (2 months of work). Don't know about you, but losing 2 months of salary in a year is a pretty nice chunk of change. Not sure how the Governator aims to boost the economy by cutting the spending power of thousands of workers...not to mention the trickle down to local governments and small businesses that won't get services or get paid. This state is currently a big fat shit hole, politically and economically speaking. These legislators are seriously going to have to start watching their backs, cuz there are a number of state workers that are pretty unhinged when they make full paychecks. The camel's back is surely close to breaking by now. (Disclaimer - this is NOT me threatening to harm legislators. I'm not that type. Just simply pointing out that it wouldn't surprise me if this happens with things as they are)
The Boca Chain - fucking amazing! The Boca Chain introduced Jose Canseco to steroids in the early 80's, threw a pass AND intercepted the same pass in an NFL game, and knows who killed President Kennedy. Do you know the Boca Chain? You should. Go here.
Chicks - what....the....eff....?
That's all I got for now. Good night, and have a pleasant tomorrow.
-Lightning
Media - no matter what they try to make us believe, we don't actually have any rights to view video or hear tapes of the death/pain/misery of others unless we are in fact on a jury deciding the fate of a defendant. To the rest of us, it's not our business unless we happen to be directly involved. They don't care about the victims, but only for the ratings and ad revenue their despair can generate. It's a sick and perverted (redundant?) industry.
Furlough Days - just received a third day each month and easily on my way to a fourth, along with 230,000+ of my "coworkers". Four days a month equals 48 day a year (2 months of work). Don't know about you, but losing 2 months of salary in a year is a pretty nice chunk of change. Not sure how the Governator aims to boost the economy by cutting the spending power of thousands of workers...not to mention the trickle down to local governments and small businesses that won't get services or get paid. This state is currently a big fat shit hole, politically and economically speaking. These legislators are seriously going to have to start watching their backs, cuz there are a number of state workers that are pretty unhinged when they make full paychecks. The camel's back is surely close to breaking by now. (Disclaimer - this is NOT me threatening to harm legislators. I'm not that type. Just simply pointing out that it wouldn't surprise me if this happens with things as they are)
The Boca Chain - fucking amazing! The Boca Chain introduced Jose Canseco to steroids in the early 80's, threw a pass AND intercepted the same pass in an NFL game, and knows who killed President Kennedy. Do you know the Boca Chain? You should. Go here.
Chicks - what....the....eff....?
That's all I got for now. Good night, and have a pleasant tomorrow.
-Lightning
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