I'm a Social Ruhtard

In the last two days I have had two seemingly minor incidents at the office that, while being a throw away moment for any witnesses, have continued to gnaw at my psyche. Now I'm not one to really care all that much about what people think of me (cuz I'm awesome), but I am one that can instantly trade places with a person in a sort of creepy telepathic kind of way and see what they're seeing when they happen to be looking my way...which they do....often........really..............no, seriously.........................whatever!

Anyhoo, onto the idiot moments.

1.) If you have ever legitimately forgotten something, the typical reaction is to to turn around and go get it - time permitting of course. However, if you come bolting out of an office door, realize you've forgotten something, but make eye contact with a passer by while turning around, it suddenly looks like you are afraid of this person or you are putting up a rather poor attempt at ignoring them. Regardless, it's a one time incident and this person will be long gone by the time you return to the hallway with your forgotten item.

OR, you will make an unintentionally wide right turn coming into the hallway and find yourself walking head on towards the same person, you will over-correct and steer yourself to the opposite wall, and any question of whether or not you're trying to avoid this person will be answered. Obviously this person is being avoided (not really, but that's the obvious impression by now, right?)

But it's fine. No harm done. Just duck into the bathroom, allow this person to clear the hallway, and quietly return to your office space. Never mind the errand you were attempting to run because you've forgotten what that was anyway.

However, on your way out of the bathroom, always remember to grab a drink from the adjacent water fountain before you reach the hallway. If you do not, you will remember just as you reach the hallway, you will begin to make your u-turn, you will make eye contact once again with this strange hallway-roaming person who you may just start to intentionally ignore from this point on, you will duck back into the shadows by the drinking fountain and get your drink, then do the office sprint-but-not-a-real-sprint-cuz-you're-inside-a-building-sprint back to your desk and remain in your seat for the rest of the day.

Have I over thought this? Most likely. But seriously, what was she doing pacing the hallway like that? Doesn't she have work to do?

2.) Did you know that when you slip on a patch of ice, you probably do more damage to yourself trying to brace yourself on the fall to the ground than you would have if you had just allowed gravity to take over? In the same vein, I imagine you also do more damage to yourself by inhaling water but trying to play it off like you didn't just inhale water in an effort to avoid erupting into a massive coughing/choking/dying seizure in the middle of a hallway as a coworker passes.

Oh yeah, she says 'hi' as she passes. And yes, cuz you're not an ass, you manage to vomit a wheezing 'hey' right back at her. This is the last word of your pathetic little life. Shortly thereafter you will reach your office, body trembling, and you will lose complete control of all speech and motor skills. You will wish for death as your lungs attempt to expel that rogue water from your system, but death will not come. Only shame. Only.....shame.

Good day.