"It's nice to meet you...let me obliterate every bone in your hand in an attempt to rip your arm from your shoulder and beat you with it."
The importance of a strong handshake has been ingrained in me since childhood as I learned quickly that I just might lose a hand if I didn't fight back. On the plus side, I have developed a pretty solid handshake over time. The down side is that the strong handshake is not something easily controlled and thus has a tendency to backfire when applied to the wrong person.
Case-in-point: this morning I was informed by my boss that I had passed my probationary period for my new job with flying colors. She offered her congratulations verbally with an accompanying handshake. Instinctively I brought my hand forward to meet hers and I proceeded to turn it to dust.
She was kind enough to finish the shake, smile, and move on about her day without any acknowledgment of the brutal assault that just took place, but the tears that welled up in her eyes spoke volumes.
I'm SORRY!! However, I just passed probation so there's nothing she can do about it, eh. BOOM!!
But I digress. I suppose the strength of a handshake is important in a few different ways. It demonstrates confidence, strength, ...maybe trustworthiness (definitely debateable)..., and a few other things. However, I'm not sure the rewards outweigh the risks. I mean, I almost disabled a boss that had just given me a great review (and possibly a raise...no idea), and for what? Because of a social norm that says a person should have a strong handshake?
There was another incident one time when I met a girlfriend's parents and I actually heard something pop in her mom's hand when I shook it. Fortunately for everyone involved, this girl wasn't at all worth keeping. But that could've been tragic under different circumstances.
Now the fist bump, that's something that I can get on board with. It's fast becoming an acceptable form of greeting someone thanks to the likes of Howie Mandel and President Obama. Not only does it prevent folks from touching hands (another part of the handshake that bugs me), but there seems to be a standard of strength applied to the bump. It's seemingly even across the board. Nobody is judging someone for having a weak bump, because it's pretty hard to determine. And on the opposite end, nobody gets hurt because nobody is trying to drive home a left hook when they say hello. Everything seems to stay right there in that middle ground.
Honestly, I think my number one choice of greetings would be one where we just wave and avoid any and all physical contact when meeting/greeting people. No shaking, no bumping, no kissing like those crazy Euros. I would even bow like the Japanese. Just no touching! So awkward, and so much room for error.
Anyhoo, that concludes my rant. Thanks for wasting part of your day on it. Everybody be careful out there.
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