The End is Nigh

Good....lord. It has been a helluva day at the office. The work hasn't been so bad, but the background noise that is CNN has got me ready to start petitioning congress to give rational and logical citizens the ability to freely eradicate stupid people as they see fit.

Samples of the news today:
1. If Wolf Blitzer continues to say "swiiiiiine flu", I will reach through the TV to punch him in the face.

2. Schools are providing "hand washing clinics" to show how to wash hands properly. Christ...if we have enough people older than two years old not knowing how to wash their hands to warrant clinics, we've got much bigger problems than Swiiiiiiine Flu.

3. A European plane destined for DC was diverted to Boston when a passenger mentioned she was feeling "flu-like". First of all, there are at least 50 people on every flight that feel sick. Second, the plane would've needed to be airborne for 10 more minutes if it wanted to get to the final destination - DC. After 4+ hours in the air, you've already got whatever illness you're gonna get. Might as well finish the trip.

4. Schools are closing. Tragedy. What's driving this story? Some mother is upset her kid is missing his first date and there are others missing their proms. Bummer. I really can't feel bad for these people, as these are experiences that will no doubt made up at a later time. And no worries, Mom of the dateless dude. He'll be bangin' skanks and picking up STD's soon enough.

5. The RUNNER UP in the Miss USA pageant has somehow become the unofficial spokesperson for the anti-gay marriage side. Glorified loser/celebrity stalker Perez Hilton stirred up this mess by being the spokesperson for the pro gay side. Is this where we are? These two have a cumulative IQ of 73 and yet these are the voices for this issue.

6. Why does CNN have Twitter. Why are news channels allowing douchebags with computers to drive the news with their web cam rants, wall posts, and Tweets? Steve from Assholia writes, "Hey CNN, Obama is a douche and swine flu is delicious." Thanks for the insight, Steve. If you'd like to leave a valid argument such as Steve's, visit us at our 1,000 different social networking pages.

Alright, enough blogging for today. Lightning, out.